Friday, September 22, 2017

Guarding my Heart

It has officially been one month since we received the call about the placement we are currently pursuing.  In my last post, I shared the timeline of up to the end of August when we had received an email saying that their team was still processing through home studies and would get back to us the following week.  Since that email 3 weeks ago, we have heard nothing.  Nada.  Zip.

Our worker has reached out via email and left voice mails but has not gotten a response.  I am sure that there are more pressing cases on their workload and trying to coordinate schedules to review the home studies as a team is a challenge in and of itself.  Our worker sweetly reassures us that this is not an abnormal timeline and says we should not lose hope yet.  She also encourages us to guard our hearts as nothing is cut and dry in the foster care world and we really won't know what will happen until they say "Let's make a plan to transition them into your home".

The thing is, I know that I shouldn't get attached, but I already have.

When I am making meals for my freezer, I am mentally portioning for the increased household size.

When we tuck our kiddos in at night, they pray for their siblings.

When we sit down to eat a meal together, I envision little bodies in the empty chairs.

When we are having family time watching a movie, roasting marshmallows, or shooting hoops, I can't help but wish they were here to enjoy it with us.

In a conversation with a couple of other adoptive mamas, they referred to cases they had not been selected to pursue and how it really felt like a miscarriage.  They had invested so much energy and thought and prayers into bringing this child home, and when it didn't happen it felt like such a loss.

I know that for the sake of self-protection I should prepare for the worst and mentally prep myself for the call that says we are no longer being considered.  But my glass half-full, optimistic disposition won't allow it.

So for now, I will continue to clean my house with a fine tooth comb, fill my freezer with meals, and organize and label everything in sight.  Prayers accepted!!

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